Commanders Cry Too
Malcom Gladwell wrote, “Great leaders have the skill of empathy — where they deliberately understand another person’s perspective, feelings, and point of view without sympathizing with them. Empathy comes naturally for some; however, others need to develop this skill of ‘walking in another person’s shoes’ and understanding their position.”
The same can also be said of being a great follower, colleague, friend, or partner.
I recently attended a leadership conference for a unique nonprofit organization called Team Rubicon and was thoroughly impressed by the command presence of CEO and co-founder Jake Wood. With a mixture of humor, humility, and confidence, he shared his knowledge and experience while inspiring trust and confidence in his subordinates in a way that’s rare in these times.
There is no shortage in books, manuals, blogs, or seminars in the subject of leadership. Everything from “The Secret” to Dr. Wayne Dyer, inspiring confidence and leadership abilities is a multi-million dollar business. Shameless plug here, but Wood has also published his own book, “Take Command.” Social Media is fostering and propelling (on the surface, at least) a culture of leaders as well, and I, for one, am excited about it.
The attendees were privileged to have one such speaker, a retired three-star general of the United States Army, LTG (R) Russel Honoré, convey his thoughts on the issue of leadership. He communicated that for success across the board, it is imperative to “build a culture of preparedness.” Besides being an infantryman for 37 years, he witnessed first-hand the necessity for such a paradigm shift when he commanded the response to Hurricane Katrina in his home state of Louisiana. This can be applied to any facet of your life, personal or professional. He too immediately established a command presence rarely seen or felt.
However, it was one event in particular, on the final day of the conference, which stood out amongst the occasion. During a moderated discussion, which included Jake Wood, an issue was raised that personally touched the life of the individuals on the panel, as well as everyone present. The issue was veteran suicide. The other member of the panel was Susan Selke, mother of Marine veteran Clay Hunt. Clay was an original member of Team Rubicon who, in the end, chose suicide to end his suffering due to his experiences from battle. I want to state now there is no way to properly give Clay the respect afforded in this article, as many others have done so in a much more professional manner. I encourage you to watch the videos and read the articles.
You see, it was one of these articles that saved MY life. Literally. I was sinking deeper into the depths of my own depression and effects of PTSD. I was in the planning stages of my suicide, considering the best options to make it quick and painless. I was doing veteran outreach at the time, in an effort to stay connected with my fellow vets and find something to give me a new purpose. The truth is, I was grasping for straws. And I knew it. I had tried everything from therapy, medication, self-medication, increased physical activity, short-term relationships with women, but nothing could keep me distracted long enough or give me the right mixture to dull the ever-growing pain.
And then an article about the suicide of Clay Hunt and the organization he helped found came across my desk. Hope returned as I signed up to volunteer. I moved into a state leadership position, and later, promoted to a regional leader. Team Rubicon did for me what I could not do for myself.
It was these thoughts that had me on the brink of tears when it happened, and then, the most unexpected moment of the weekend — THE CEO BEGAN TO CRY. Not a snotty, blubbering cry, but just enough to release the tension. It started a chain reaction, as if everyone was given permission to do the same. And we did. It didn’t halt the discussion, but the effect was unparalleled to any similar event thus far in my life.
We went from being subordinates or colleagues to being partners. We shared the load with each other, and this happened instantly and organically. It should be noted that Jake Wood’s official statement is “… a fan kicked up some dust that lodged in my eye just before that happened.” I overheard him say the same to a friend through the red eyes and his ever-charming smile as he headed in the bathroom, presumably to dislodge said piece of dust (we all believe you, Jake).
As I spoke with other attendees about this experience, it was clear the overwhelmingly powerful nature of such an event. So often do leaders concern themselves with portraying a certain image that can, in a sense, dehumanize or super-humanize a leader.
When subordinates and leaders share empathy, true team cohesiveness is born.
This connection (an empathetic one) as with all others, must be fostered and grown.
In closing, it my sincere hope that those reading this article who may be in a position of leadership consider this tactic. That “hearts and minds” is the best way to “win friends and influence people.” But it was John Maxwell who summarizes this axiom best, in my humble opinion, when he said, “Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.”
Written by Brian W. Sims. Sims is service-connected disabled veteran and a Peer Counselor and Advocate for fellow vets. He is also a veteran of the Global War on Terrorism, having served in the United States Army Infantry. He currently serves as a Regional Manager with Team Rubicon in Florida. He also enjoys baseball, sarcasm, Bill Murray, and bacon (extra crispy).
